The unmannered

As my boys get a little older with each passing year, I guess I’ve automatically assumed they will help their poor mom out when: A) there is something heavy to carry; and B) when I could use someone to hold the door open for me. I suppose I’ve come to expect a helping hand from the male species, and since my boys are now of able size, I expect them to offer their assistance.

Oh what a funny world in which we live. I come home with a car full of groceries to unload, and of course this is the moment when one or both of the kids will disappear, unfound until they feel it’s safe to come out and forage for whatever snacks their mom just scored at the store.

And I especially like to go to the mall with them. They’re great at holding the door open, yeah, for themselves. Then I find the door almost shut on my face. We went to dinner the other night and Gerald went into the restaurant first, the boys trailing behind him, and I was bringing up the rear. Again, mom is left to grab the closing door.

The bad manners don’t stop there, unfortunately. You should hear my boys when they’re talking on the phone. I know, who actually TALKS on a phone anymore? Well, for sure my boys don’t since they don’t seem to know what to do when there’s an actual (live!) voice on the other end of the line. To make matters worse, we still have a LANDLINE! I know, who actually has a LANDLINE anymore?

Son: Hello. <Translation: What do you want!?? I’m very busy doing nothing and your call is distracting!>

Caller: Can I talk to your dad? <Note no one ever calls me to chat anymore, except for my mom of course, her calls are required>

Son: Umm…. <Translation: Oh no! What do I do? What did the caller just ask me? What am I supposed to be doing? I wasn’t paying attention!>

Caller: Is your dad around?

Son: Uhhh…. <Translation: Oh wait, I think they said something about Dad. I’ll go get Dad, he’ll know what to do.>

Son: Yeah. <Son hands phone to Gerald.>

But my absolute favorite has got to be when I instruct my boys to load/unload the dishwasher. You know, after I’ve been in the kitchen for hours, I feel I shouldn’t have to mess with the dishwasher. But Oh. My. God. You would think I told them to walk across hot coals or something else totally absurd. My oldest does cross country and track, and oh my, would his coaches be impressed at how fast that boy can run when I request dishwasher assistance. I’m convinced the coaches should threaten the kids with dishwasher duty. The school would for sure come in first place every time at the meets.

Hello? I'm not going to just load/unload myself
Hello? I’m not going to just load/unload myself

–kd

30 thoughts on “The unmannered”

  1. Same, exact situation here. Those bastards. The dishwasher emptying is supposed to be in exchange for the cell phone service we pay for, and usually it gets emptied sometime around the same eon in which I ask for it to be done, but not without significant eye-rolling and sighing.

    1. Over the summer, the boys would have pretty much the whole day to load/unload. Yep, it would only happen when I came home and bitched about it. Then there would be eye rolling, sighing, and some slamming cabinets. Really?

  2. What is a mystery to me is where they get it from. We didn’t teach them that way. We didn’t demonstrate the same selfish behaviors, so what rat bastard is running around teaching all our children to be assholes? The dishwasher seems to be a point of contention in every household. It is literally next to their right hand when they’re dropping their shit in the sink.

    And when you do get them to load it, everything is at the front of the dishwasher because PULLING THE DRAWER OUT IS HARD!
    I’d sell ’em if they were worth anything.

    1. I don’t know, I’m pretty sure selling the kids would be frowned upon. Something about it being illegal or some nonsense. 🙂

  3. Mister’s father once yelled at him in front of me because it was cold out and he hadn’t scraped off my windshield and started my car. I loved that man! The dishwasher is a battle with my daughter and the couch has permanent dent marks from summer, but they would never let me do the groceries myself. They learned the hard way that snacks get put away where they are never to be found and the next shop is nothing but kale. As for the door, speak to Gerald. As first through he was point man on that one 😉

    1. Gerald swears he was the last in. Umm… no. Where does he think I got the material for this post? That incident there prompted me to write about all (some of) the bad manners. Ha.

    2. Ok, I may have dropped the ball on that one. In my defense I had just finished a round of golf in 100 degree weather and it was a freaking ice house…..to borrow a line from a great country song I had a “powerful thirst”.

        1. Also, I’m guessing you may have been carrying everyone else’s stuff while another door got shut in your face and didn’t have a free hand to open it in time to be able to hear him. Poor Gerald, though…imagine the labor that is golfing!

          1. Yeah if only I had a quarter for every time someone asks me to hold something or put whatever in my purse, I would be rich rich rich! Then I could afford my own personal assistant to carry everything (oh and open the door for me). Haha.

  4. So funny, Karen. Not sure if you give an allowance but its amazing how reward plays into male behavior. Or maybe not taking them to that mall until the kitchen’s cleaned. I now have two adult sons and learned this the hard way, believe me.

    1. We’ve tried different strategies over the years but nothing has stuck. I’m sure our being inconsistent doesn’t have anything to do with it.

  5. Too funny yes no one here seems to know how to unload the dishwasher Zachary does put his dishes in it and Emma leaves hers beside it.
    They both unload groceries when they’re home mainly to see what I got.
    I don’t know at restaurant s I think Gordon usually holds the door for all of us I guess I have never paid attention to it.
    My fave blog is still your ode to summer it is my favorite season also.

    1. I really like how dried cereal sticks to the bowl like glue. It gives such a nice texture for the next user. I haven’t even mentioned how no one seems to know what a trashcan is…

  6. Yes, this is all very familiar! You are exactly right about loading the dishwasher, putting away laundry, tidying away video games, or anything of that sort.

    Kids can often be rather creative in their avoidance techniques too. What surprises me, though, is getting out of the task at hand usually takes ten times more effort than simply doing it in the first place.

    1. Or how sitting in the bathroom long enough to get out of whatever task must be so pleasant, right? People put clean laundry away? Really?

  7. OK, this is my second attempt to leave a comment. I had technical difficulties the first time. Now I don’t remember the hilarious observation that I made earlier. Dammit! In any case I can sympathize. My son can’t unload the dishwasher yet, but he’s learned how to get out of things he doesn’t want to do, like pick up toys. He goes “boneless”. He even says, “I can’t move. I’ve gone boneless” and then lies on the floor like a lump. Those are the moments when I want to both laugh and wring his neck. Basically, kids are dicks.

    1. Ah yes, you had a whole post about how kids are dicks.Just wait till your son gets older, it gets worse. I’m pretty sure you’ve already received ample warning though, from most people on the planet I’m sure. 🙂

  8. If I could just get my son to put his dirty laundry in the damn basket I’d consider it a moral victory. Putting clean laundry away is way up the difficulty scale at this point.

    1. I like how the dirty clothes always fall short of making it into the basket itself. Definitely no basketball players in our house.

  9. My girls are pretty helpful with things like groceries, but dishes are another story. They usually try to bribe the 5 yo into doing them, which is basically me doing them. And, I can relate with the weird socially awkward phone calls. I told my daughter to order pizza one night and you would have thought I handed her a gun and told her to put the dog down.

    1. Who knew that talking on the phone could cause so much trauma? My oldest orders pizza via an app on his phone so no need to ever have human connection there. Well except when the pizza gets delivered by a human. Of course it won’t be long until delivery guys are replaced by drones.

  10. Emptying the dishwasher is the easy part. It’s not like you’re asking them to do the rinsing first. Speaking of laundry, though, it could be worse. During a beach trip a friend of mine put his wet bathing suit in a drawer. My mother figured it out when she was gathering everything up to do laundry, which, fortunately, wasn’t long after we got back from the beach.
    And they do get better.

    1. The rinsing is minimal if they even rinse at all. I’ve never seen two people so grossed out by dirty dishes. Guess they won’t be candidates for a restaurant job. I think they’ve (finally) figured out to not leave wet clothes on the bed or carpet. I think I’ve beaten that one into them at least.

  11. What is it with the dishwasher?! My son will rinse his dishes, at least, but then he puts them on the counter next to the sink and causes a small flood. My daughter won’t even do that. I don’t think that girls are any better than boys. Oh, and the nagging we have to do to get them to do their weekly chores, which take all of 20 – 30 minutes!

    The next time your boys won’t help you with the groceries (or anything else) I suggest you start talking about OB/GYN related issues. If you talk about the virtues of tampons vs. pads and how your flow is different depending on which day of your period it is, I’m pretty sure they’ll do anything to get you to stop. If that doesn’t work, tell them about your episiotomies, c-section scars or your stress incontinence. If absolutely necessary, read them Kristine’s post about vaginal physiotherapy. I usually have good luck when I threaten to show them the picture of the afterbirth my husband took after my daughter was born (God know why he did that!), AGAIN.

    1. Kristine’s post would definitely do the trick! Pretty sure I could even get Gerald to do some extras around the house with that one!

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