Sweet baby Jesus! A Christmas heist story

nativity scene

Several years ago, my parents’ inflatable yard nativity scene was swiped right from their front yard. A police report was filed and the whole shebang. My parents live in what one would call a small, quaint city, and their neighborhood is quiet and what one would call crime free. It’s the kind of place where if you leave your garage door up all night or the house unlocked while you’re away, it’s not seen as reckless, no problem in the least. I find it ironic how now, when we are staying at their house, I’m the one out of my parents and I who goes around checking doors and locks before retiring for the night. What can I say? I still live in the big city.

Okay, but besides the overall safety of their neighborhood, of all things to steal in this world, a nativity? Really? I’m having a hard time figuring out a motive for the Jesus, Mary, and Joseph theft, but here are the three possible scenarios I have been imagining in my head.

Possibility #1 – Passing through redneck couple
THELMA: Hey Earl! There’s them one of those there inflatable mangers I’ve been wanting, go get it for me! Wal-Mart is totally sold out of them things and I really want one to put up in front of the trailer for when all our kin come over.

EARL: Well I don’t know there now, Thelma, wouldn’t thieving sweet baby Jesus be wrong?

THELMA: Earl, these people look plenty rich to me. Jesus wants us to have this. He would want these people to give to the less fortunate.

EARL: So we’re actually doing a good thing?

THELMA: Well, I reckon we are, yep.

Possibility #2 – Scavenger hunt
TEENAGER 1: This scavenger hunt was a great idea, huh Marcus? Okay, we already checked off mailbox, street sign, roadside deer carcass. So what else is on the list?

TEENAGER 2: Next on the list is yard inflatable.

TEENAGER 1: Yard inflatable? Any kind?

TEENAGER 2: Any kind.

TEENAGER 1: Well, sweet baby Jesus! Lookee there. Now we can mark off inflatable.

Possibility #3 – Target practice
MOM: Now don’t go aiming that rifle towards the neighbor’s house!

SON: Ah, Mom! I’m not gonna [POP]

MOM: Oh, sweet baby Jesus! I told you not to do that! Come on! Now we have to get rid of the evidence!

Gerald is convinced that whoever stole my parents’ nativity did so because they believe they are better Christians and so it’s better suited to be in their yard. I dunno, and I suppose we’ll never know the real story.

My parents could buy another inflatable nativity, looks like the same exact one can still be found on Amazon and at Home Depot, and Gerald actually mentioned it would make a good gift for them this year, but I don’t know if anyone wants to chance sweet baby Jesus being the victim of another heist.


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