Pump you up!


Recently I finished a 90 120 day stint of Beachbody’s Body Beast workout program. It’s a decent program, but like all the in-home workout DVD programs I’ve done, they all have their little annoyances. Take Body Beast’s trainer, Sagi, for example. He gets so confused. One minute he’s talking about how safety is the most important thing, only to turn around and say having fun is rule number 1. Huh?? What’s an exercise non-guru (read: me) to do? Is safety, form–because he throws ‘form’ in as rule #2–, or fun the most important workout rule? Which is it, Sagi?? But regardless of the rules, you can be sure the Beast is feeling beasty! Yes, Sagi actually says this, along with other bizarre statements.

Not only is there the whole rules confusion on Body Beast, there’s the Eric guy in the cardio video. Oh. My. Word. I don’t know how to describe it except it would be totally appropriate for Sagi to pat Eric’s head and give him a treat after each set. The guy acts like a puppy dog, all eager to please. And he makes these awkward noises like he’s either on the verge of some ecstasy experience or he’s about to just pass out right there at the feet of his master trainer, the Beast himself, Sagi. Even though I watched the cardio DVD many times, each time I expected Sagi to give Eric some much needed coddling and a Scooby Snack. And Eric is just a little too enthusiastic for my taste. I mean, sure, give it all you got, Eric, but please stop hopping around like a dog trying so desperately to get your owner’s attention.

Some of the other workout programs I’ve completed/attempted —Β Tony Horton can be annoying and can waste too much time with his wise-cracking, but at least he has a personality. Jillian Michaels really likes herself (A LOT) and actually purrs during cool down. Tom Holland (Supreme 90) is good, but kind of bland. I already described a little about Sagi (Body Beast), and he’s alright but he can’t run/jog for shit; he’s too damn big. Maybe he should take a steroid vacay.

I’m always looking for good in-home workout programs, and for me to even consider taking on a new one, it has to meet the following three requirements:

1. The workout cannot go over 50 minutes. P90X has a 90 minute yoga workout. Umm.. no.

2. The workout must incorporate free weights. I want to be able to increase/decrease at will and I’ve never figured out those freaking bands. The bands seem too complicated and I’ll find any excuse to blow off doing my workout.

3. The workout cannot include any complicated moves. I did the Brazilian Butt Lift program and I cannot dance to save my life. When it came to the cardio dance routine, I gave it all I got and was throwing my arms around like a wild woman. I think Gerald hid behind the door a few times just to snicker. Thankfully, no one captured any blackmail video (that I know of).

I’m currently in the midst of another Supreme 90 stint. It’s okay, but I’m still keeping an eye out for my next workout challenge. Suggestions are welcome and appreciated (as long as there is no running involved)! Leave any suggestions (or snickers!) in the comments!


16 thoughts on “Pump you up!”

  1. We did the Jillian 30 day shred and it incorporated free weights and easy moves. My husband and I did it together so there was no clandestine door hiding (shame on you Gerald). We only made level one before our ‘Series of Unfortunate Events’ took over so I don’t know if running makes it in levels 2 or 3. Jillian loves herself but I find it disturbing how much she loves the girls who are her ‘demonstrators’. Every time she touches them I flinch. Is that wrong?

    1. I don’t know, for some reason I can’t picture Gerald participating in the Brazilian Butt Lift workouts. It’s a program just for women I suppose. In the Jillian workout I did she was handsy with the guys as well. Maybe I should try her 30 day one (beats repeatedly blowing the ’90’ day thing I got going now).

        1. Ooo now I do really like that part. The workout I did last night was about an hour! I pretty much whined and cried the last 20 minutes or so so I don’t know how effective it was.

  2. Right until the very end, I was thinking “this girl should take up running,” but no. Okay, I get it.

    My other thought was “I would want to punch those guys right in the face.” I don’t know how you did it for 120 days.

    I remember one workout tape, I think it was a step program, with Bruce and Linda Jenner. It was so comically awkward. I can’t help but think about it these days with the changes he’s going through. Here’s a snippet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxcxUqvDvN4

    No, I know it’s no help. But fun, maybe.

  3. It’s already April and I’m FINALLY getting up off my ass to do something about said ass’s growth. I have a few Bethenny Frankel workout DVDs. Let’s see how long I can keep that up before she gets on my nerves. πŸ˜‰

    1. Gerald has recently discovered the magic of simply walking. He bought a fitbit and it tracks your steps and he inputs his calories and all that, and he has really slimmed down. I’ve been trying to do more walking as well but I admit I’m not as dedicated as the husband.

  4. I have two points on this, first, please please please tell me that Sagi is pronounced ‘Saggy’ because that would be a supreme bit of irony.

    Second, Slimming World! No exercise, bacon, less weight. Win!

    1. Nope sorry, no Saggy. It’s like su (short u sound) ghee (hard g sound). I’d never be able to work for Webster’s.
      I will definitely check out Slimming World. I know it’s been working for you and Ant.

  5. Thankful that you mentioned how annoying Eric is during the Body Beast workout sessions! Way too eager and always majes that ridiculous moaning sound after almost every set. I am sure that there is some sort of deep rooted Freudian tie-in there!

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