Not another graphic blog post

My last post set Crankoutloud stat records. I’m pretty sure I can attribute this attention to the word “boob” being in the title. Apparently, boobs sell. I figured I’d keep this gravy train rolling. I figured I’d tell some more stories about skanky bartenders, apparently Gerald has quite a stash (of stories, not bartenders), and throw in some more body part words, and maybe the word “sex” “naked,” or “porn.”

But then I realized I missed the observation of an important anniversary. August 3rd marked my one year blogiversary! I know, I’m excited too! Yep, we’ve come a long way, me and you, dear reader. I started off not knowing what the hell I was doing, and now, look at my site a whole year later. The progress is staggering. The beautiful default WordPress settings, the same consistent font, post after post, the same Facebook profile picture. You can depend on me, dear reader, no crazy aesthetic changes for this site!

I went back to take a look at a to-do list I included in my third post. Looks like I can check most of the items off. But now I’m in desperate need of a newΒ blog “to do” list.

Let’s see…

  • Figure out why I am still unable to see ALL the search strings that hit my site. Stupid Google Analytics. Something about SSL and security and privacy and blah blah blah. I say hogwash. There are plenty of other bloggers who see all the funny and sometimes grotesquely perverted search strings. I mean, can you imagine the search hits on my last “boob” post? Come on!Β I’m dying to know what words landed the Hong Kong and Philippine guys on my site!
  • Take a more professional looking picture for my site instead of using the same FB pic from three years ago. But… but… it’s such a good picture and I rarely take such a good picture! I’m usually unhappy about my hair, or my eyelids are sure to close mid-snap and I end up looking like I should be hosting some smoke & toke site instead. Hey man…
  • Figure out how to submit posts to the big sites. I’m talkin’ Scary Mommy, Blunt Moms, and hell yeah, I’m talkin’ Huffington Post, baby! Hmm… but then I I have to actually write something firstΒ to submit for consideration. One of these days, one of these days…
  • Figure out how to add a little advertising to my site, and I mean a little. Maybe a banner or two. Then I could watch the cents roll in. Cha-ching.

So anyway, Happy Blogiversary to Crankoutloud! I’m sure there are years and years more of exciting posts just waiting to be written by yours truly.

I know, I don't know why I'm not hit up for my Paint abilities either!
I know, I don’t know why I’m not hit up for my Paint abilities either!


19 thoughts on “Not another graphic blog post”

  1. Happy Blog-iversary COL!!!
    I think the first post of yours I read, was when you blatantly stole crackers. And since I’m an OCD freak, when I find a good writer I like, I immediately have to read all their stuff.
    Funny story: I was out to dinner with a friend, and she ordered lobster. When the food came , there was nothing to open the shell with. And the server didn’t understand English. So she was kinda pantomiming with her hands and practically shouting ‘I need crackers!! Crackers!!’ And of course he came back with packs of saltines.

    1. Thank you! You are too kind. No, really. πŸ™‚

      Well,she DID get crackers. So did she ever get to eat that lobster?? Gerald and I used to frequent this Chinese restaurant close to where we worked and I wanted the sweet (syrupy, HFCS-laden) red sauce, not the orange duck sauce packets on the table. I had a little trouble communicating with the waiter so I pointed to the duck sauce and said “roja.” I did get my red sauce. Guess those two years of Spanish finally came in handy. Ha.

  2. Congratulations on your blogiversary! You didn’t list it as a to-do item, but I think decluttering is something else you’ve accomplished. I’m assuming you don’t still have enough Tupperware to handle the leftovers for a family of ten.

    And I’m really looking forward to reading some of your work elsewhere. The other day I was looking at other places to publish my foolishness and one said “Submissions cannot be published anywhere else, including your own blog.” Well, that makes sense, but I hope you’ll share links.

    1. Ah but it’s a “blog” to-do list, Christopher. πŸ™‚ But yes, I have accomplished much in the whole decluttering effort, thank you. Now I believe I could store leftovers for a family of eight.

      I’ve seen that (cannot have already been published anywhere else) as well. It’s challenging enough keeping up with the writing for my personal blog, so having to come up with totally different material is a real kicker for me. And ditto! You’ll have to share links if you post elsewhere, which I’m certain you’ll have ZERO trouble getting accepted!

  3. Hey, that’s great! Happy Blog-iversary! I hope you’ll have many more.

    Incidentally, fun though your last post was, I’d prefer it if you didn’t do too many more boob stories. My wife happened to be walking past when I was reading the previous one and she was truly shocked by that explicit graphic you had accompanying it.

    1. Thank you!

      You could tell her it’s a sketch of Squidward from Spongebob Squarepants.

      I’m trying to think of something witty to say (regarding my vulgar drawing), but the mind is a blank at the moment. Yep, it must be Friday. Great, a lot of good that’s gonna do me here at work today. Have a great weekend!

  4. Happy Anniversary! I’m so glad you started your blog. Otherwise I would never have met you. πŸ™‚

    Regarding the search terms, you should feel a bit of relief that you’re not seeing what people are searching for. It makes you lose faith in humanity. I’m not even kidding. But regarding the high reader counts because of the word boobs, I totally understand. When I started my blog I used the word “MILF” in an early post and man, did I ever get hits. I was tempted to pepper the word “MILF” in every paragraph of every post after that. Perhaps I’ll include “boobs” as well since that also seems to be popular. Just part of the never-ending quest to attract readership…

    1. Thanks, Gina!

      I almost started writing about all the wonderful people I’ve met since starting my blog, but the post would’ve ended up being too long. Maybe I’ll do a whole separate post on that. It’d be fun.

      I may just have to run with the ‘milf’ thing. Hahaha. Not sure how I’d work that into a post though. πŸ™‚

  5. Happy Bloggerboobiversary (or however you spelled that)!! You are hilarious and I’m glad I found this cool little circle of amazing writers to read from when I’m not too busy going insane from raising four kids. You people are my only sanity.

    1. Shawna,thank you for such a thoughtful comment! I’m touched, but not in a touch a boob kind of way. I know, epic fail of a joke. But seriously, thank you!!

    1. Maybe I should actually SUBMIT something. Oh wait, first I should actually WRITE something! And I’ve always wanted to have a novel published. Guess I would need to write it first too. πŸ™‚ And thank you, Laurie!

    1. Thanks, Jamie! I’ve missed seeing you around out here in the blogosphere. Maybe when things settle down in your new locale… πŸ™‚

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