Don’t bake it!

This past Friday night, I was getting a pizza ready to put in the oven for the boys–I was heating up a gluten free Russo’s pizza in the toaster oven for me. I know! Jealous much??–and I happened to notice the “DON’T FORGET” notes on the back of the Schwan’s pizza’s box. One “don’t forget” stood out in particular. See the pic below.

Schwans pizza box

The picture may be a little hard to see with the glare and all, so here are the bullets:
DON’T FORGET:
* For food safety and quality cook until the internal temperature is 160 F before eating
* Do not thaw pizza * Take pizza out of the box and wrapper before cooking <–Ooo… pick me! Pick me!
* Cooking times may vary * Refrigerate or discard any unused portion
* Pizza is done when center cheese is melted and edges are golden brown

Can you guess which one left me a little perplexed?

Do you think the Schwan’s company has had some schmuck complain that nowhere on the box does it say you can’t just throw the whole unopened pizza box, and then in 18 to 21 minutes, voila! Dinner is served!? And I’m thinking it can’t just have been ONE person who tried to pull off this gotta-admit-awesome-and-super-easy-dinner-prep idea. In order for this particular concern to make it as its own bullet on the back of the box, multiple people have had to have tried tossing the whole pizza, wrapper and all, into a preheated oven.

Visions of stupid party movies started floating through my head. Risky Business comes to mind, the scene where Joel attempts to eat a frozen block of dinner. Or maybe the guys in Bachelor Party would try this cooking method, especially the one who tried to slit his wrists with an electric shaver. Probably any of the Porky’s movies could have made such a cooking stunt believable, right? Gerald gave the suggestion of the American Pie movie, the first one. Pretty sure there’s no particular instruction on the back of a pie box to not… ummm…. well, you know. And if you don’t know, I’m not going to explain what happens to the apple pie here on my blog. You’ll have to go watch it. And then report back here pronto to let me know how much you liked the movie, and what you think the back of the pie box’s “DON’T FORGET” notes may read.

I realized after all this deep (?) contemplating over this one little pizza box note, that sometimes it’s probably just best not to go there. Sometimes it’s simply best not to question certain sights seen.

Why, just the other morning, I ran across this on my way to the kitchen:
A sight

–kd

21 thoughts on “Don’t bake it!”

    1. Ohh! You think I would have figured that one out considering I have two boys. But I’m pretty sure mine wouldn’t bother reading the DON’T FORGET notes so I’m guessing that’s why I didn’t think of it.

  1. So was that thing on the floor the result of someone trying to bake the pizza in the box? And I have to speak up for those who might be stupid enough to just throw the entire box in the oven. Consider TV dinners. You’re supposed to leave them in the tray which is made of plastic which, in almost anyone’s experience, melts. How did they make a plastic that doesn’t melt while your mac and cheese cooks at 425 degrees? Science! But you still sometimes have to remove the transparent plastic cover and sometimes you only punch holes in it or only remove it from the apple cobbler. We’ve come to expect so much more from you, science.

    1. True but throwing the entire box in there is just over the top. But I suppose one day my kids and their families will be able to do just that. Maybe they’ll finally realize the Jetsons’ futuristic meal prep. Oh wait, the Jetsons food was just those little capsules, right?

      Rock star wig from a few Halloweens ago. I noticed Guitar Hero had been played so I’m guessing the two sort of went together. Don’t know for sure though, I didn’t ask.

    1. Eww. That is one bad toupee. And sorry, you’d have to sift through our local dump to find it. Pretty sure some rats have made it a nice home by now. 🙂

  2. I’ve seen that same warning label on pizzas lately also. All the attorneys at pizza companies must have had a meeting and decided they needed to protect themselves from stupid and litigious Americans. A year ago (almost exactly at this time) I was at a meeting and in my hotel room was a fireplace. The fireplace had a sign (which I was going to include but I don’t know how to insert a photo into the comments section) that said this:

    CAUTION!
    Fireplace is hot when in operation
    DO NOT TOUCH!
    Keep children, furniture, clothing, flammable liquids and vapors away

    I was glad to see that children were included as first priority. Thank God for the warning that fire is hot!

    1. Get out! Fireplaces get hot??

      That’s funny. You know the designers/builders of that hotel probably thought the fireplaces in the rooms would add for a nice touch, not anticipating all the idiots. Sad that the world in which we leave must be geared to all the doofuses (it’s a word) out there.

  3. Umm… when I was 12 my friend and I put a pizza hut box in the oven to reheat the pizza. So, yeah. Probably a good idea to print the reminder.

    (Fortunately, the smoke alarms went off before the fire got out of control).

    1. I’m not sure what my boys are doing wrong but I really hadn’t thought of adolescents being the main culprits here until I read Kristine’s comment, speaking from her own experience apparently. You know the Schwan’s box doesn’t mention NOT using the pizza box to reheat. I’m thinking the marketing and legal teams need to meet again.

    1. Thank you, Lisa! Yeah I didn’t even make that connection until just now reading your comment that the rock star wig looks like a witch who got too close to the hot oven/burning pizza box. Haha. 🙂

    1. I believe the credit would have to go to all the adolescents (apparently) who have tried, or will try, this unique cooking method. I can just see it now, although I’m sure I’ll be long gone — Our forefathers had to actually OPEN the pizza box! Oh! That’s so primitive. Or however the young people will speak in the future.

    1. I guess I’ve just been lucky, this far. My boys haven’t pulled any stunts like that, this far. They don’t use the oven/stove when Gerald and I are not there but there’s always that dang toaster oven. They could wreak a little havoc with that thing.

    1. That thing was around way too long in our house. It would “shed” and leave what looked like little rat nests. Eww. It’s probably in a landfill by now, I’m sure making some rat family very happy.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *